Thank-you to my awesome friend Leigh for following my maiden voyage to Internet notoriety. She has informed me that; just like there is no crying in baseball, there are no rules to blogging. So I am sure to become a nuisance.
Today I had the opportunity to go to Middlesex County Correctional Facility and bring the "message" I am a recovering drunk and drug addict kicking ass in the 4th dimension!
At first when you go to the jail it's really creepy, the building looms in front of you and your realize how many rooms must be in a building like that and how many cameras are around to watch you pick your wedgies. Then it gets unsettling as the really hot guard takes your ID and demands that you take off your jacket- cause you can't bring that inside. You feel a little embarassed because part of you wants him to frisk you in a locked office, but not look at your chilly nips. But that feeling passes as he lets you through, leering with those bedroom eyes. You walk through the sliding door and watch him smirk as the door locks shut with the startling click buzzz of reality.
Every door in a jail locks. None of them unlock unless permission has been indicated.
Let us take a moment of silence for all the fugitives who ever busted out. Steve McQueen, Dustin Hoffman, Clint Eastwood, Sean Connery, Liam Nieson: The Next 6 Days, and A-team.
Then sadness strikes- as you watch inmates wearing clothes that look kinda regular, doing regular things; playing basket ball , shooting the shit, reading.
And you cant help thinking "wow these guys are just like me- but dumber cause they got caught!"
No, but seriously, it's kinda sad cause they are caught and stuck trying to live in really shitty situations. Forget about staying sober in jail, or a virgin for that matter. I have mad respect for anyone who has ever done jail time and stayed sober and sane. That person is indeed a rare bird. I think jail is one of those things that changes you forever, something that sinks deep into your soul, something that is remedied by a lifetime of prayer, patience, and perseverance.- No more dating ex-cons
Anyway- I was really happy to see those ladies- but kinda pissed they were still there. I have been going there for 3 months and have done so many things, met soo many people, and been soo many different places. And these ladies are still where I left them! WTF!- and when I talk to them I realize they really just made mistakes and do they really need to be in here for more than a week?
This is why I stay sober and bust my ass trying to work a decent and at times admirable program, so I don't end up like them. Trapped in a facility with hot leering guards, locked doors, unruly climate control, crazy bitches trying to steal my shit, and a system that regards me as a number.
Today I am more than a number and yet I am one amongst many. It's nice to not be releagated to the world of black and white. I love the gray, live in the gray, bask in the gray however the only thing that must remain black and white is that under no circumstance can I drink or do drugs.
I can handle anything sober. I've handled insanity, loss, failure, pain, doubt, anger, fear, jealousy, hatred, rejection, the gamut of human failings and defects. And I am still cool as hell! Yes, I said cool as hell
because I am a sober woman of dignity and honor; a lady in the streets and a freak in the sheets; eagerly sharing what I have so I can keep it; surrounding myself with people who remind me that waking up in the morning is a good thing!
I pray for the ladies in jail that they get experience that feeling. That they know what it is like to feel protected, loved and proud of the pit and pratfalls of their lives. That is my prayer as I leave the edifice of corrections, as I run towards the door to the setting sun- ecstatic not to stay, eager to return.
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