Its not easy being a boss but someone has to. Being a boss means being a mature, courageous human that lives with integrity and makes every moment count. With that said, I am the biggest, baddest, boss around.
Why the surge of confidence?
Well, its 3:03 am, I am watching HellRaiser, and I just finished my best Halloween Costume to date.
That's it.
Nothing spectacular.
I didn't cure cancer or write the next Pulitzer Prize winning novel.
I just made myself happy.
I need moments where I feel skilled, free, creative and effective. When I have these feelings I acknowledge and celebrate them as personal victories. Personal victories help me remember not to rely on or wait for praise from other people. The number of followers or friends in cyberspace, the type of car I drive and the amount of money I make do not determine my value as a human being. How I feel about myself creates the story I share with the world and just for today, I am a boss.
I live life like a boss.
Give yourself a chance; know, feel, and thank the pieces of yourself that make you excellent.
Be a boss.
You will be glad you did.
Friday, October 31, 2014
Wednesday, October 29, 2014
I'm baaackkkk
I'm back, blogging again at the blogspot.
What pray tell has brought me back to PC in the late of the night or the early of the morning?
Not just the desire to use prose to hopefully, eventually, earn a living, but mainly because I am a single co-dependent.
Being a co-dependent is a funny thing. In my case, when I fall in love I feel everything and think nothing, rational. My world abruptly becomes rocked because I am invited and encouraged to do things I don't normally do. Like, stop doing yoga, stop using my cards of divination and stop writing because, he has something better in mind. When I fall in "love" I with out reservation, attempt to become everything my love interest could ever want, imagine or hate. FYI: becoming somebodies everything requires one to become their own nothing. To smother or augment their light so it shines at an intensity equivalent or acceptable to their paramour. It is necessary to obsess on the ways you can predict your lovers, needs, feelings, and behaviors so you can respond in a way that is acceptable and comforting to them. Any agendas you may have that does not align with your partners must be abandoned and surplanted with agendas that benefit your love's end.
Long story short, 3-4 years, copious tears and headaches later, I have learned that, that doesn't work. Co- dependency does not equal, safety, security, happiness and love.
You can never be someone's everything. Its not fair to them, others and especially to you. When you resolve to hitch your wagon to someone else s horse, you basically end up single, older, and fatter, living in a studio apartment.
Therefore I resolve to fall in love with me and my talents, skills and dreams. You have heard here first folks. (And you have probably heard this before but...) I shall not move before there are two rings on it. I will not be swayed by dreamy eyes, viking arms, a resounding voice and steady paychecks. I am gonna chill here in the studio apartment and write to save my life, my soul, my spirit and possibly help others. And should love, ever swerve my way again, I'm just gonna be me and if he still wants to hang out, I'm gonna put my dreams, skills and talents first and let him compete with them.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Psychos-therapy
Sometimes when I am feeling troubled- I know I should pray to God. During those times it's like I want to pray but the words and concentration aren't there. I start with dear God and then end up with a laundry list of my concerns.
So this was happening today. The night before was full of new thoughts , truths, obstacles and half resolutions so today I was still marinating in it.
So I'm standing at the bus stop- thinking: "Funky butt loving! the bus is late- and Golly, I have to pay my rent, and Hot Damn I look great in these pants, and Gee, this coffee sucks and Shit, I hope that crazy bitch is ok, while staring at the sun, and it struck me. It was time for me to drink my own kool aide.
Oh Yeah!!
Sunday I had the honor of doing step work with a sponsee- Step 2- and I shared with her a book that was instrumental in forging my relationship with God. Divine Guidance- by Doreen Virtue, changed my life- by pretty much validating my thoughts on spirituality. The concepts that jumped to my mind; prompting me to blog and accept peace, was that God doesn't care how you talk to him- just do it often. He is so omni-awesome that he sees past all the hurt and confusion to the heart of me- and is never offended. Secondly- that sometimes we need to string out prayers over minutes, hours, days, weeks, months.
I am the type of person who wants to have a concise and eloquent prayer so I can say- "I prayed." So today when I was at a loss for words- and it happens- I remembered that concept and got busy accepting it and doing it. So at this moment I am stringing out this prayer with God like a conversation with a therapist. In my mind I am laying on a leather couch just telling God everything- my hopes, fears, desires, shortcomings, everything. And it makes me feel better. To know that I don't have to have the correct change$ in order to access Gods mercy and grace is too awesome for words. I am praying to God in installments- like layaway- knowing that once I've got it all out I will be able to appreciate his inspiration so much more- cause I worked really hard to be open to it.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
So this was happening today. The night before was full of new thoughts , truths, obstacles and half resolutions so today I was still marinating in it.
So I'm standing at the bus stop- thinking: "Funky butt loving! the bus is late- and Golly, I have to pay my rent, and Hot Damn I look great in these pants, and Gee, this coffee sucks and Shit, I hope that crazy bitch is ok, while staring at the sun, and it struck me. It was time for me to drink my own kool aide.
Oh Yeah!!
Sunday I had the honor of doing step work with a sponsee- Step 2- and I shared with her a book that was instrumental in forging my relationship with God. Divine Guidance- by Doreen Virtue, changed my life- by pretty much validating my thoughts on spirituality. The concepts that jumped to my mind; prompting me to blog and accept peace, was that God doesn't care how you talk to him- just do it often. He is so omni-awesome that he sees past all the hurt and confusion to the heart of me- and is never offended. Secondly- that sometimes we need to string out prayers over minutes, hours, days, weeks, months.
I am the type of person who wants to have a concise and eloquent prayer so I can say- "I prayed." So today when I was at a loss for words- and it happens- I remembered that concept and got busy accepting it and doing it. So at this moment I am stringing out this prayer with God like a conversation with a therapist. In my mind I am laying on a leather couch just telling God everything- my hopes, fears, desires, shortcomings, everything. And it makes me feel better. To know that I don't have to have the correct change$ in order to access Gods mercy and grace is too awesome for words. I am praying to God in installments- like layaway- knowing that once I've got it all out I will be able to appreciate his inspiration so much more- cause I worked really hard to be open to it.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Monday, August 22, 2011
What the What?
People have been asking me, " Why haven't you been blogging? What in the world could've happened to prevent you from sharing your profound thoughts with us and the World wide Interweb?"
It is time for me to come clean- I have been afflicted with a serious illness.
One that has enabled me to shirk my closest companions- PC and Blackberry.
One that is rivaled only by blindness, amputation or spontaneous combustion.
I first noticed there was a problem when I started to leave my compter and blackberry turned off. It was like I stopped breathing, my heart stopped beating- and I didnt care! What type of bug could make me apathetic to breating and circulation?
I thought that it would pass and I could keep going with my life, until the symptoms got worse. Blurry vision, facial spasms- around the mouth area, swirly stomach. The physical ailments didnt bother me too much until I started to notice that I no longer had the capacity for wit and avarice. I had been struck dumb; as if I had been lobotomized during a brown out a piece of my brain had been removed, now I was scared.
I finally decided to go to the Dr. and she confirmed it. I was afflicted by a life changing, mind altering, spirit shifting malady.
Love.
At first I was in total denial. How could this happen to me? I'm a good girl, I used protection. However I have learned that a heart shaped box is only about 99.9% effective. Leave it to me to fall into the sliver of failure.
My precautionary measures were rendered even more ineffective by the mutant of a man I had encountered. Here are the signs to let you know if you should turn and run away lest you become victim to this indiscriminate malady.
1. The man you find is real, like flesh and blood. He is not based on a t.v. show or a book. You can actually touch him and your friends can see him.
2. The man says he likes you and thinks your pretty without the aid of head trauma or psychotropic/ hallucenopgenic drugs.
3. People start looking at you like your not crazy because now your laughing with some one, not just by yourself.
Apparently there is no cure for this cluster fuck of mojo. No cream, pill, injection, or transplant. However I've been told that I can live a relatively normal life if I vigilantly take my medicine every day for the rest of my life. If daily doses of dick and apple pie will get me back to normal- then I have hope. I believe that I will be well again. One day at a time. Pray for me.
It is time for me to come clean- I have been afflicted with a serious illness.
One that has enabled me to shirk my closest companions- PC and Blackberry.
One that is rivaled only by blindness, amputation or spontaneous combustion.
I first noticed there was a problem when I started to leave my compter and blackberry turned off. It was like I stopped breathing, my heart stopped beating- and I didnt care! What type of bug could make me apathetic to breating and circulation?
I thought that it would pass and I could keep going with my life, until the symptoms got worse. Blurry vision, facial spasms- around the mouth area, swirly stomach. The physical ailments didnt bother me too much until I started to notice that I no longer had the capacity for wit and avarice. I had been struck dumb; as if I had been lobotomized during a brown out a piece of my brain had been removed, now I was scared.
I finally decided to go to the Dr. and she confirmed it. I was afflicted by a life changing, mind altering, spirit shifting malady.
Love.
At first I was in total denial. How could this happen to me? I'm a good girl, I used protection. However I have learned that a heart shaped box is only about 99.9% effective. Leave it to me to fall into the sliver of failure.
My precautionary measures were rendered even more ineffective by the mutant of a man I had encountered. Here are the signs to let you know if you should turn and run away lest you become victim to this indiscriminate malady.
1. The man you find is real, like flesh and blood. He is not based on a t.v. show or a book. You can actually touch him and your friends can see him.
2. The man says he likes you and thinks your pretty without the aid of head trauma or psychotropic/ hallucenopgenic drugs.
3. People start looking at you like your not crazy because now your laughing with some one, not just by yourself.
Apparently there is no cure for this cluster fuck of mojo. No cream, pill, injection, or transplant. However I've been told that I can live a relatively normal life if I vigilantly take my medicine every day for the rest of my life. If daily doses of dick and apple pie will get me back to normal- then I have hope. I believe that I will be well again. One day at a time. Pray for me.
Monday, August 15, 2011
Sappy songs
Isn't funny how the quintessential love songs are written by men- the same species that regards sentimentality of women as weak nausea ting. Song singers and writers like John Mayer, Jerome Kern, Smokey Robinson and the dudes from Coldplay wrench the hearts strings of women everywhere in every era- and yet once they have those strings in their grasp they don't know what to do with them- so they tie them to rocks and toss them into crevasses un-surveyed by humans. Crev-Asses infested with confusion, innuendos, in securities, doubts, irrationality and falsehoods.
How do you responsibly handle strings of a woman's heart? Well you tie them to your own of course- so if someone's going down- everybody goes down- its only fair. Maybe dudes will think twice before the profess their love, introduce you to parents, siblings, and co-workers if their hearts were tethered to their prospective victims. Perhaps that would provide incentive to be rigorously honest and to form healthy boundaries in the preliminary stages of relationships. Therefore if the situation goes awry you can severe the connections with scissors not acetylene torches. Acquiring minor scraps and cuts, avoiding third degree burns, amputations and skin grafts.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
How do you responsibly handle strings of a woman's heart? Well you tie them to your own of course- so if someone's going down- everybody goes down- its only fair. Maybe dudes will think twice before the profess their love, introduce you to parents, siblings, and co-workers if their hearts were tethered to their prospective victims. Perhaps that would provide incentive to be rigorously honest and to form healthy boundaries in the preliminary stages of relationships. Therefore if the situation goes awry you can severe the connections with scissors not acetylene torches. Acquiring minor scraps and cuts, avoiding third degree burns, amputations and skin grafts.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Monday, July 18, 2011
Non compliance
I take Meds-" why?" you may ask. " You seem so normal". My Meds help me fool all of you unsuspecting morons. If I don't take my Meds then heads would roll.
Don't get me wrong homicide is not a past time that I enjoy, but watching heads roll- the geyser of blood from the stump, the flailing arms of surprise and desperation would make me laugh. Decapitation would tickle my funny bone. Providing hours of memories on which I could ruminate.
Spinal trauma aside- the fact that you received retribution, and I was able to vindicate my cause, would be worth the dry cleaning bill.
If your being a meanie- off with your head.
You bump into me on the street like I'm invisible- Saturdays in Highland Park- off with your head.
Make a scene at my expense- off with your head.
Not give me the tender loving care I want and deserve- off with your head.
And I will do the Mexican hat dance around your fleetingly animated corpse.
Again I would enjoy this it would make me warm and tingly inside. I would experience an orgasm rivaled only by eating Crunch and Munch in bed while watching Lord of the Rings.
That is why I take my meds. That is why I comply with the protocol that has been prescribed to me by doctors.
So of course I seem normal- that was the plan. Be glad you can't effect me with your infantile observations, be glad you still have your head.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Don't get me wrong homicide is not a past time that I enjoy, but watching heads roll- the geyser of blood from the stump, the flailing arms of surprise and desperation would make me laugh. Decapitation would tickle my funny bone. Providing hours of memories on which I could ruminate.
Spinal trauma aside- the fact that you received retribution, and I was able to vindicate my cause, would be worth the dry cleaning bill.
If your being a meanie- off with your head.
You bump into me on the street like I'm invisible- Saturdays in Highland Park- off with your head.
Make a scene at my expense- off with your head.
Not give me the tender loving care I want and deserve- off with your head.
And I will do the Mexican hat dance around your fleetingly animated corpse.
Again I would enjoy this it would make me warm and tingly inside. I would experience an orgasm rivaled only by eating Crunch and Munch in bed while watching Lord of the Rings.
That is why I take my meds. That is why I comply with the protocol that has been prescribed to me by doctors.
So of course I seem normal- that was the plan. Be glad you can't effect me with your infantile observations, be glad you still have your head.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
Friday, July 15, 2011
Thank God it's Friday!
Friday, Friday, Friday! I couldn't be happier. For the first time in my life I'm glad I'm not doing anything this weekend.
In the past I would hate Fridays because it usually meant sitting alone in my house for 48 hours. Lamenting how no body loves me everyone hates me- gonna go eat worms.
Laying in bed as late as possible so I won't get hungry- cause it sucks cooking for one.
Tormenting my self with the memories of laying in bed with my ex- sharing the lazy weekend.
And now I am almost cured!
I love laying in the king sized bed- alone. And watching what I want on t.v.
Hovering in that space between sleep and awake, dreaming.
Today I love it.
The past few weekends have been filled with friends and fun- but honestly that shit can be exhausting. It's difficult to be "on" exciting and engaging. Its not like its a facade it's who I really am. But you would be exhausted if you were Me- no doubt.
Its not easy to live life- balls to the wall- full of gusto. I give a lot of energy in the daylight-
I wouldn't have it anyother way. It feels great to be included and liked. And I have sobriety to thank for that. I am excited to lay in bed all weekend shirking the mundane details, and I'm going to pray to God he doesn't allow guilt to motivate me to be constructive.
Enjoy your weekend I know I will enjoy mine!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
In the past I would hate Fridays because it usually meant sitting alone in my house for 48 hours. Lamenting how no body loves me everyone hates me- gonna go eat worms.
Laying in bed as late as possible so I won't get hungry- cause it sucks cooking for one.
Tormenting my self with the memories of laying in bed with my ex- sharing the lazy weekend.
And now I am almost cured!
I love laying in the king sized bed- alone. And watching what I want on t.v.
Hovering in that space between sleep and awake, dreaming.
Today I love it.
The past few weekends have been filled with friends and fun- but honestly that shit can be exhausting. It's difficult to be "on" exciting and engaging. Its not like its a facade it's who I really am. But you would be exhausted if you were Me- no doubt.
Its not easy to live life- balls to the wall- full of gusto. I give a lot of energy in the daylight-
I wouldn't have it anyother way. It feels great to be included and liked. And I have sobriety to thank for that. I am excited to lay in bed all weekend shirking the mundane details, and I'm going to pray to God he doesn't allow guilt to motivate me to be constructive.
Enjoy your weekend I know I will enjoy mine!
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®
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