I'm baaackkkk

 I'm back, blogging again at the blogspot. 

What pray tell has brought me back to PC in the late of the night or the early of the morning? 

Not just the desire to use prose to hopefully, eventually, earn a living, but mainly because I am a single co-dependent. 

Being a co-dependent is a funny thing. In my case, when I fall in love I feel everything and think nothing, rational. My world abruptly becomes rocked because I am invited and encouraged to do things I don't normally do. Like, stop doing yoga, stop using my cards of divination and stop writing because, he has something better in mind. When I fall in "love" I with out reservation, attempt to become everything my love interest could ever want, imagine or hate. FYI:  becoming somebodies everything requires one to become their own nothing. To smother or augment their light so it shines at an intensity equivalent or acceptable to their paramour. It is necessary to obsess on the ways you can predict your lovers, needs, feelings, and behaviors so you can respond in a way that is acceptable and comforting to them. Any agendas you may have that does not align with your partners must be abandoned and surplanted with agendas that benefit your love's end.

Long story short, 3-4 years, copious tears and headaches later,  I have learned that, that doesn't work.  Co- dependency does not equal, safety, security, happiness and love.

You can never be someone's everything. Its not fair to them, others and especially to you. When you resolve to hitch your wagon to someone else s horse, you basically end up single, older, and fatter, living in a studio apartment. 

Therefore I resolve to fall in love with me and my talents, skills and dreams. You have heard here first folks. (And you have probably heard this before but...)  I shall not move before there are two rings on it. I will not be swayed by dreamy eyes, viking arms, a resounding voice and steady paychecks. I am gonna chill here in the studio apartment and write to save my life, my soul, my spirit and possibly help others. And should love, ever swerve my way again, I'm just gonna be me and if he still wants to hang out, I'm gonna put my dreams, skills and talents first and let him compete with them.