Relieve me of the obsession!

I am surrounded by so many interesting people and I get to do so many interesting things. So when I think about posting something in this blog, I am seldom at a loss for topics for pontification. The problem is that there are soo many topics on which to pontificate.

I started the blogging process with masturbation, followed it with a trip to jail- how do I top that?
With my favorite blight, Obsession.
Ladies and gentlemen, it is more than an amber fragrance. Its a mindset, a lifestyle, practically a posture. My current obsession is- everything. My favorite obsession is love and companionship.
What is it about loving, desiring, yearning for what don't have?
Millions of dollars, thinner thighs, nights spent arguing over who ate the last Mallowmar.

I dream and pray for God to bring me a partner, a companion. Someone who leaves the toilet seat up and the dishes in the sink; spraying them both with Lysol- cause Lysol cleans right?

A partner who realizes that laundry is a chore for mortals and knows that it's better to spend your money buying clothes than cleaning them.

Someone who knows there is no need for words when reality television can have all the really important conversations for you- hell it works even if your not in the same room.

So there's this guy, he has all the qualities necessary for a spouse: he's buff, hairless, square jaw, clear skin, smoldering eyes, juicy lips, hard ass, and arms that lead to a back rivaled only by Michelangelo's David.
The problem is he's flawed-
He wants to share his goals and ambitions with me; like having a family, planning for retirement, communicating so we can build a partnership on things like trust and respect.
Silly rabbit! Everyone knows that relationships are built on ice cream and sex

This dude wants me and won't leave me alone!  
I Obsess about how to get him out of my life day in and day out. I bad mouth his mother, eye fuck his friends and withhold sex and I still get text messages asking me about my day. Flowers delivered to my house on days like- my birthday. He wants to cook me dinner and take me  to concerts, plays and picnics under the stars. He actually had the nerve to pay my bills!
I really don't know what to do about this situation- my karma must be really wonky to bring a guy in my life who wants to grow old with me and trim my pubes.
Heck, nobody's perfect, and I am sure with time I can teach him how to treat me like crap and sleep with my friends. And if not, then I guess this is just another example of living life on life's terms. Accepting the things you cannot change, cultivating tolerance and patience for the things that bring you ire. I know that if I pray to accept this situation God will relieve me of this Obsession to dodge the bullet of security, comfort and adoration; hopefully making me content with being shot.
Or when the pain gets great enough I could change; I could become a lesbian.

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®